Fool’s Gold was the radio show that was my radio show, broadcast from the University of Glamorgan on the outskirts of Pontypridd, during a smattering of bedtimes, 2001 to 2005.
The main thrust of the show was about selecting a subject, throwing a poem, silliness or anguish at it, and then thanking it. Into the mix I tossed a multitude of banal idents and drop-in speeches, and, when I remembered, tried my almost best to satirise generic and mediocre local radio presentation.
The inaugural episode appeared on the university’s Fusion 107, and subsequent editions emerged on UniGlam’s joint tenure of the community station, GTFM 106.9, where I was employed for 2 years as a senior producer of the evening shows.
Here is a list of the episodes, with details of music, contributors and a few bits of scripts and notions.
FOOL’S GOLD Chapter I – Infusion Sessions
01/ FOOL’S GOLD 1.1 – Magic
TRANSMISSION: 26 February 2001, 10-midnight
FEATURING: Rick Bush.
MUSIC: [unknown artist]–Going Live theme; Mansun–Fool; Radiohead–Just; [unknown artist]–Pigeon Street theme; The Flaming Lips–Race For The Prize; JJ72–Oxygen (demo); The Jam–Down In The Tube Station At Midnight; Dodgy–Homegrown; Baby Fox–That’s The Way It Is; The Aloof–One Night Stand; The Bloodhound Gang–The Inevitable Return Of The Great White Dope; Magazine–Parade (live); Deltron 3030–Things You Can Do; Doves–Here It Comes; The Smiths–What Difference Does It Make?; Green Day–Redundant; Jeff Buckley–Eternal Life; The Cure–Boys Don’t Cry; Blink-182–Blew Job; XTC–Science Friction; Pixies–Debaser; Belle And Sebastian–Judy Is A Dick Slap; The Velvet Underground–All Tomorrow’s Parties; Drugstore–Sober; Muse–Sunburn; Carter USM–The Final Comedown; Brian Eno–On Some Faraway Beach; Paul Daniels–Wizbit theme; Ooberman–Million Suns; Gorky’s Zygotic Mynci–Miniature Kingdoms; The Beach Boys–Surf’s Up; Jake Wyatt–incidental jingles
FOOL’S GOLD Chapter II – Series 1
02/ FOOL’S GOLD 2.1 – Animals
TRANSMISSION: 6 November 2002, 11-midnight
FEATURING: Amy Davies, Tanya Walker, and Rick Bush.
MUSIC: The Maytals–Monkey Man; Ooberman–Bees; The Incredible String Band–The Hedgehog’s Song; Peter Thomas Sound Orchestra–Pet Sounds; Manic Street Preachers–Black Dog On My Shoulder; Lemon Jelly–Nice Weather For Ducks; Mr Scruff–Spandex Man; Cornelius–Typewrite Lesson (Coldcut remix); They Might Be Giants–Fish Heads; Dave Bartholomew–The Monkey; Mercury Rev–Spiders And Flies; Jefferson Airplane–High Flyin’ Bird; The Cure–The Love Cats; Ronnie Hilton–A Windmill In Old Amsterdam; Cassetteboy–The Postman’s Wife; Tarwater–All Of The Ants Left Paris; Inspiral Carpets–Monkey On My Back; Judge Dread–Up With The Cock; Mellow–Lovely Light (Marc Platti remix)
03/ FOOL’S GOLD 2.2 – Sport
TRANSMISSION: 13 November 2002, 11-midnight
INTRODUCTION: “Tonight I’m looking at sport. What is it about sport that makes people happy? I’d love to know because sport really isn’t part of my life, but yet even I can see that it’s important. But how important? What exactly does sport do? Where does it come from? What is sport?!”
FEATURING: Tanya Walker, and Laz Assiratti.
MUSIC: Carter USM–Surfin’ USM; The Velvet Underground–Run Run Run; It’s Jo And Danny–Arkle; The Ventures–Walk Don’t Run; Queen–Bicycle Race; Bran Van 3000–Speed; Saint Etienne–Join Our Club; Ooberman–Running Girl; The Flaming Lips–Race For The Prize; Coldplay–High Speed; Belle And Sebastian–I Don’t Want To Play Football; The Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band–Sport (The Odd Boy); Belle And Sebastian–Consuelo Leaving; Supergrass–It’s Not Me; Mellow–Lovely Light (Marc Platti remix)
04/ FOOL’S GOLD 2.3 – Love
TRANSMISSION: 20 November 2002, 11-midnight
FEATURING: Nathalie Gordon, and GITA.
MUSIC: XTC–Stupidly Happy; White Town–Your Woman; My Life Story–I Dive (Unanswered Questions And Questionable Answers); Looper–Impossible Things #2; Brian Wilson–This Whole World; Dubstar–The Day I See You Again; Joe Jackson–Nocturne; The Divine Comedy–In Pursuit Of Happiness; Booth & The Bad Angel–Fall In Love With Me; Pale Saints–Kinky Love; Edwyn Collins–Johnny Teardrop; The Hotknives–Dave And Mary; Mellow–Lovely Light (Marc Platti remix); REO Speedwagon–One Lonely Night; Doris–Did You Give The World Some Love Today, Baby
05/ FOOL’S GOLD 2.4 – Evil
TRANSMISSION: 27 November 2002, 11-midnight
FEATURING: Tanya Walker, and Hannah Beaumont.
MUSIC: Space–Mister Psycho; Captain Beefheart And The Magic Band–Rock ‘N Roll’s Evil Doll; Cassetteboy–Bill Gates; Alice Cooper–Feed My Frankenstein; Miles Davis–Freddie Freeloader; Monster Magnet–Evil (Is Going On); Marilyn Manson–I Put A Spell On You; Jeff Wayne feat. Phil Lynott & Julie Covington–The Spirit Of Man (Dub Ulladub); Boards Of Canada–The Devil Is In The Details; John Martyn & Danny Thompson–I’d Rather Be The Devil (live); Insane Clown Posse–The Great Milenko; Insane Clown Posse–Jake Jeckel; Aphex Twin–Funny Little Man; King Of Woolworths–To The Devil A Donut; Brian Eno–Under Stars; Television–See No Evil; Mellow–Lovely Light (Marc Platti remix)
06/ FOOL’S GOLD 2.5 – Time
TRANSMISSION: 4 December 2002, 11-midnight
PROMO 1: “This week on Fool’s Gold, the important topic is TIME. What is time? What is the best time? Is it possible to travel through time? Jake will be speaking to a very scientific expert who knows a lot of things about time because he has done some research and things. His other guest claims to have travelled through time, and this is because he might have done, and it is something he strongly believes. Don’t miss this extraordinarily vital and relevant gasp of radio, this Wednesday, 11 till midnight, only here on GTFM.”
PROMO 2: “Keep your eyes to the ground to acknowledge the weekly burst of Fool’s Gold. This week, the important question is: TIME (followed by a question mark). The numbers of the night are most certainly 4 and 7… so try and prepare for conclusive science at work. So that’s Fool’s Gold, a journey of sorts in the wind of change that is December. It all thrusts out this Wednesday, 11 till midnight, only here on GTFM.”
FEATURING: Laz Assiratti, and Rick Bush.
MUSIC: The Dukes Of Stratosphear–25 O’Clock; Green Day–All The Time; Swan Dive–Rome Will Fall; Small Faces–Take My Time; The Ramones–Out Of Time; The Boo Radleys–Martin, Doom! It’s Seven O’Clock; The Alan Parsons Project–Time; Drugstore–Maybe At Christmas Time; The Beach Boys–I Just Wasn’t Made For These Times; Ride–Time Machine; Lemon Jelly–Page One; Mellow–Lovely Light (Marc Platti remix)
07/ FOOL’S GOLD 2.6 – Dreams
TRANSMISSION: 11 December 2002, 11-midnight
FEATURING: Rhia Stankovic.
MUSIC: Mercury Rev–Endlessly; Belle And Sebastian–Dirty Dream Number Two; Radiohead–(Nice Dream); Nico–Wrap Your Troubles In Dreams; Pet Shop Boys–Dreaming Of The Queen; The Chemical Brothers–Dream On; Brian–We Close 1-2; John Lennon–#9 Dream; Carter USM–The Impossible Dream; Mercury Rev–Somewhere Over The Rainbow; Mellow–Lovely Light (Marc Platti remix)
FOOL’S GOLD Chapter III – Series 2
08/ FOOL’S GOLD 3.1 – Music
TRANSMISSION: 11 June 2003, 11-midnight
NOTES: Music is a language in itself and most of it wobbles so you can’t read it. There is no way to spell Music. It cannot be spelt. Music equals big ideas, as conveyed by big people or big machines. Music is an action, a verb, a belief system, twelve vibrating body parts, the start and continuation of the weekend, lalalala. Music is more than anything else, it inhabits our memories and accompanies our sandwiches. There is also a 30% possibility that music doesn’t have a definition. This show set out to throw all of these preconceptions out of all of our minds.
FEATURING: Martin Wyatt, Rhia Stankovic, and Daryl Perrins.
MUSIC: Space–Female Of The Species; [unknown artist]–Music Is…Interlude; The Chemical Brothers–Music: Response; Rolf Harris–Jake The Peg; Doris–Daisies; The Beach Boys–Add Some Music To Your Day; INXS–Sing Something; Melanie–Mr Tambourine Man; Prefab Sprout–Electric Guitars; Brian Eno & David Byrne–America Is Waiting; Brian Eno & David Byrne–Regiment; The Monkees–Daydream Believer; Elmo, Big Bird & Snuffy–Elmo’s Song; Mellow–Lovely Light (Marc Platti remix)
09/ FOOL’S GOLD 3.2 – London
TRANSMISSION: 18 June 2003, 11-midnight
INTRODUCTION: “What is a London? How long would it take four men to cover London with dribble? And if London was taken away to be washed, would it be replaced by a hammer? . . . I’ve got an absolutely packed show tonight, based on my adventures in London. I’ve got interviews with the Mighty Lord of London, Frank Temple, and also Dominic Gaffer from the London Mega-Shop. I’ll also be finding out about the kind of people who stop you in the street when I’m confronted by someone from the Hungarian Tourist Board. And on top of that, a glimpse into the dark world of the London Underground.”
FEATURING: Rick Bush, Lisa Hancock, Ben Moore, and Rhia Stankovic.
MUSIC: Telltale–Rainbow; The Clash–London Calling; Blur–London Loves; Noonday Underground–London; DJ Vadim–London Mind State; Jeff Wayne feat. Richard Burton–Dead London; Gene–London, Can You Wait? (live); [artist unknown]–London Bridge Is Falling Down; King Of Woolworths–Bakerloo; Sparklehorse–London; Julie London–Fly Me To The Moon; Radio Heart feat. Gary Numan–London Times; Willie Rushton–Neasdon; Mellow–Lovely Light (Marc Platti remix)
10/ FOOL’S GOLD 3.3 – Camping
TRANSMISSION: 25 June 2003, 11-midnight
FEATURING: Rhia Stankovic, Tanya Walker, Richard Errulld, and Daryl Perrins.
MUSIC: [unknown artist]–Rockford Files; Pet Shop Boys–Somewhere; Manic Street Preachers–Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head; King Of Woolworths–Kite Hill; Van Morrison–Moondance; Roger Ruskin Spear–All By Yourself In The Moonlight; The Housemartins–Me And The Farmer; Paul McCartney–Beautiful Night; Gorky’s Zygotic Mynci–Miniature Kingdoms; 4Hero–Star Chasers; Mellow–Lovely Light (Marc Platti remix)
FOOL’S GOLD Chapter IV – Special
11/ FOOL’S GOLD 4.1 – Questions
TRANSMISSION: 3 December 2003, 10-midnight
NOTES: With 20 minutes notice before transmission, presenters were declared absent and we didn’t have a show. This last-minute slot-filler, a one-off Fool’s Gold, was devised as it went along, featuring a few clips from the second series and a tribe of new characters generated by my housemates.
FEATURING: James Ballard, Joe Caesar, Owen Evans, Daryl Perrins, Tanya Walker, and Richard Errulld.
MUSIC: Brenda Lee–Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree; Frank Sinatra–Anything Goes; [unknown artist]–Rockford Files; Ivor Beynon–Who Am I; Spacehog–In The Meantime; Mr Scruff–Midnight Feast; Run-DMC–Ghostbusters; Scott Walker–Plastic Palace People; The Desert Sessions–You Think I Ain’t Worth A Dollar But I Feel Like A Millionaire; Doris–Daisies; Nick Drake–One Of These Things First; Belle and Sebastian–Legal Man; Kenny Rogers And The First Edition–Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In); Coolio feat. LV–Gangsta’s Paradise; The Beatles–I Am The Walrus; Melanie–Mr Tambourine Man; Elliott Smith–Son Of Sam; The Lovin’ Spoonful–Do You Believe In Magic; The Coral–Bill McCai; Cornershop–Sleep On The Left Side
FOOL’S GOLD Chapter V – Series 3
12/ FOOL’S GOLD 5.1 – Games
TRANSMISSION: 28 April 2004, 11-midnight
PROMO: “Jake Wyatt approaches the airwaves with more troubling sound, in the first in a new series of 6 magical adventures, delving into the truth at the bottom of life’s big question marks. Tonight’s subject is GAMES. And you can play along at home, so gather some friends together, jump up and down, and win some valuable points.”
FEATURING: Rick Bush, JW, Richard Errulld, Brian Deacon and members of the Ystrad Mynach Bingo Hall, Simon Mayo, Grandad Errulld, and Mammy Errulld.
MUSIC: [unknown artist]–Mr Men theme; Caban–Skaboogie; John Epping–Unbelievable; The Who–Pinball Wizard; B. Estardy–Bistro 95; P. Bachelet–The Circus Elves; Vic Reeves & The Wonder Stuff–Dizzy; SL2–DJ’s Take Control; Catatonia–Game On; Will Young–Your Game; Harry Roche Constellation–Pinball Wizard; Catch–Bingo; David Bowie–Underground; Mellow–Lovely Light (Marc Platti remix); Joe South–Games People Play
13/ FOOL’S GOLD 5.2 – Food
TRANSMISSION: 5 May 2004, 11-midnight
PROMO: “In this week’s exciting 57-minute adventure into the middle of SOUND, guest presenter Richard Errulld is incredibly curious about food, and the 14 reasons for food. He’ll be speaking to a Breakfast expert and a poet who finds inspiration in the plight of apples.”
GUEST PRESENTER: Richard Errulld
FEATURING: Tanya Walker, GITA, Steve Johnson, James Ballard, Rick Bush, and Laz Assiratti.
MUSIC: Detroit Grand Pu Bahs–Sandwiches; Toto Coelo–I Eat Cannibals; John Fiddy/Otto Sieben–Pumpernickel Pickle; Cookie Monster–C Is For Cookie; Henry Hall And His Light Orchestra with Val Rosing–The Teddy Bears’ Picnic; The Carpenters–We’ve Only Just Begun; Texas–Polo Mint City; Anthony Newley–The Candy Man; Super Furry Animals–Golden Retriever; Lemon Pipers–Jelly Jungle; Marvin Gaye and Tammy Terell–The Onion Song; Fool’s Garden–Lemon Tree; My Life Story–You Can’t Uneat The Apple; Mellow–Lovely Light (Marc Platti remix)
14/ FOOL’S GOLD 5.3 – Epistemology
TRANSMISSION: 12 May 2004, 11-midnight
PROMO: “The comedy continues with more glory-sound from Jake Wyatt and the people he has known. Tonight’s instalment of noise concerns the accumulation of knowledge, featuring a message for the kids from comedian Noel Fielding.”
INTRODUCTION: “And tonight, I am conjecturising and conflaburating my thoughts upon the multifaceted components of Epistemology, the philosophy of knowledge. This is a big subject, so expect some bulbous vernacularisations.”
FEATURING: Rick Bush, Joseph Wong, Noel Fielding, Tanya Walker, Caroline Bennett, and Richard Errulld.
MUSIC: London Symphony Orchestra conducted by John Williams–“Main Title” from Star Wars; Supergrass–Strange Ones; The Beach Boys–I Know There’s An Answer; The Beautiful South–Dumb; Pet Shop Boys–Flamboyant; Colosseum II–Put It This Way; R. Webb–Full Blast; The Goodmen–Give It Up; Baz Luhrmann Presents–Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen) (Geographic’s Factor 15+ mix); De La Soul–The Magic Number; Morrissey–Alma Matters; Tin Tin Out featuring Emma Bunton–What I Am; Mellow–Lovely Light (Marc Platti remix)
15/ FOOL’S GOLD 5.4 – Sheeps
TRANSMISSION: 19 May 2004, 11-midnight
INTRODUCTION: “Together, let’s understand them sheeps! In a moment, to find out the ultimate truth, tonight, live in the studio, to speak about the contemporary state of sheeps and their prevalent socio-political issues, is socio and political thinker and all-round maverick, and doctor, the appropriately-named, Sir Humphrey Lamb! I’ll also later be speaking on the phone live to a sheeps trader in Texas. And also last week, I had the honour to speak to an actual sheep. Find out what she has to say for herself LATER. Tonight, I investigate the life and times of sheeps. Stay with me for some insight.”
FEATURING: Tanya Walker, Rhia Stankovic, JW, Kym Ragin’ Ryan, Amy Davies, and sheeps.
MUSIC: Space–Female Of The Species; The Housemartins–Sheep; Robert Wyatt–Life Is Sheep; Academy Of St Martin In The Fields conducted by Sir Neville Marriner–Bach–Sheep May Safely Graze; Tom Waits–All The World Is Green; Stephen North & Michael Vickerage–Piggy Dreams; Cake–Sheep Go To Heaven; Weird Al Yankovic–Dirty Deeds Done With Sheep; Jason John–Summer Daydreams (Strange Journey); The Crusaders–Street Life; Space–Sheeps Are Following Me; The Zombies–Is This The Dream; Mellow–Lovely Light (Marc Platti remix)
16/ FOOL’S GOLD 5.5 – Ghosts
TRANSMISSION: 26 May 2004, 11-midnight
INTRODUCTION: “Tonight I’m investigating ghosts, and sharing the stories and visions of three incredible women who have each tapped into the supernatural chaos and come out of it with a chunk of story. Later, I’ll reveal the revelations of Doctor Gloria Hole and her exciting scientific theory of ghosts. And I’ve also spoken to my good friend, Sueli Oak-Tree, who grew up with a ghost at her grandmother’s house. And then lastly… but really firstly, Denise Sprowston, a furniture councillor and artist who paints the ghosts of dead trees that still loiter within chairs and household ornaments.”
FEATURING: Samantha Green, Richard Errulld, James Ballard, Rachel Dorling, Ceri Langridge, Kym Ragin’ Ryan, Rick Bush, and Sueli De Carvalho.
MUSIC: Peter Cook and Dudley Moore–Isn’t She A Sweetie?; The Raveonettes–Attack Of The Ghost Riders; The Jam–Ghosts; Prefab Sprout–A Prisoner Of The Past; Blip–Coal In/Ghost Out; Jellyfish–The Ghost At Number One; Led Zeppelin–Kashmir; Linea 77–Potato Music Machine; The Cure–Fear Of Ghosts; Brian Eno & David Byrne–The Jezebel Spirit; Ooberman–Ghosts; The Beat Poets–The Ghost Of Lonnie Mack; Tom McRae–Ghost Of A Shark; Mellow–Lovely Light (Marc Platti remix)
17/ FOOL’S GOLD 5.6 – Sense
TRANSMISSION: 2 June 2004, 11-midnight
GUESTS: A Driving-Safety officer called Roger Road-Sense, Ed Pavinghact – a man with startling olfactory aptitude, and my very own dear mother and her dear cat Tess.
FEATURING: Tanya Walker, Hannah Beaumont, Rick Bush, GITA, Heather Wyatt, James Ballard, Tess, and Richard Errulld.
MUSIC: Lightning Seeds–Sense; XTC–Merely A Man; Pet Shop Boys–Boy Strange; The Kinks–Phenomenal Cat; Shakespears Sister–I Can Drive; Fat Larry’s Band–Zoom; Mellow–Lovely Light (Marc Platti remix); Heather Wyatt–Bohemian Rhapsody
FOOL’S GOLD Chapter VI – Special
18/ FOOL’S GOLD 6.1 – April
TRANSMISSION: 19 April 2005, 10-midnight
FEATURING: Baz Greenland, Lisa Hancock, Tanya Walker, GITA, Hannah Beaumont, Richard Errulld, Tim Shaw, Bethan Keogh, Park Street Infant School class 2OD, Kate Griffiths, Patrick Montgomery, JJ, Amy Davies, Lloyd Harrington, and a studio full of squirrels.
MUSIC: Technohead–Happy Birthday; The Beautiful South–Good As Gold (Stupid As Mud); The Beach Boys–When I Grow Up (To Be A Man); Blur–Birthday; Ooberman–13; Wally Stott–Angel Cake; Coleman Hawkins–April In Paris; Estelle–1980; Disney’s Bambi OST–Little April Showers; The Future Sound of London–Among Myselves; The Smashing Pumpkins–Raindrops + Sunshowers; Al Jolson–April Showers; Tears For Fears–Advice For The Young At Heart; Max Harris–Cool Stepper; David Bowie–Starman; Psygnosis–Lemmings–Fun 7; Chicken Shed–I Am In Love With The World; New Fads–Life Is An Accident; Frank Sinatra–You Make Me Feel So Young; Max Sedgley–Happy (Spiritual South Alt. Radio Edit); Altered Images–Happy Birthday; Dr. Roberts–Realms Of Gold [Big Demo]; Mellow–Lovely Light (Marc Platti remix)
Nice Adventures Productions 